During the last couple of months when I was writing but not publishing I was - almost continuously – in a spiritual and philosophical state. I really took the time to review my life, and celebrate the successes I made as well as pondering over the route to take forward. Because once a goal is established there’s a moment of choice in which you decide how to go further. Either you stay where you’re at and leave it at that, or you set yourself new goals. I chose the latter, but setting life goals in your mid-twenties is hard. There are so many options.
Sylvia Plath describes it perfectly in The bell jar:
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
When I look outside my window I see my fig tree full of unripe figs, they’re still in progress, just like my social desires. It hit me, even if I am officially a grown woman, ready to conquer the world and make a choice. There will always be room to grow and a desire for more of anything and everything. I'll always aspire to be a better person, live a healthier life and make wiser descisions. There is no completion. Maybe true fulfillment will never be, and instead life is a series of short moments of pure bliss, followed by mundaine moments and short periods of pain. And while you ride these waves of emotions in which you have no control, you decide how to capture each moment. Either with a open mind and heart, eager to experience life to the fullest, or in a more controlling manner by cutting emotions or situations off with work, drugs or other distractions.
I try to stick to the first and by doing so I acknowledge and accept the fear I experience now I’m full on this blogging thing again, and I set to make a career out of it. I work out on a daily basis to keep my hormone levels balanced (it really works, guys!), stick to a healthy diet and most importantly get all the rest I need when it’s needed. And I must say this routine has proven to be successful in the last month. Lets hope it stays that way…
Leave a comment and tell me: what are your goals in life and how do work towards them?